Avoidance is a Decision

You ever go through something and it is hard, and honestly, you just want it to go away.  You can’t even believe that you are going through it. Well, I will tell you this, you can not avoid it.  Avoiding it will only make it worst.

For example, if you owe a creditor money, you owe your landlord rent or if you are late with your car payment; they are not going to magically stop calling you just because you ignore them.  No, they want their money and they want it now. They have systems in place for people who don’t pay.

Or how about you are trying to avoid a hard conversation with a friend because they were not as loyal as you thought they should be. So you stop answering their calls or text because you may be angry with them about something they did or said and you just don’t want to deal with it.  You may even think that the best thing to do is to simply cut them off and have nothing else to do with them.

Too many times we leave things undone and unsaid and then we wonder why it turns into one big mess.

At the root of all of this avoidance, needs to be a looming confrontation.  I don’t know about you but I don’t like confrontation. But I’ve also learned that leaving things unchecked will also cause bigger problems.

In both avoidance scenarios there are proactive solutions that could be taken:

Let the CONFRONTATION Begin

Confront your Finances

  1. You can contact the creditors and let them know what is going on with your financial situation and find out if they have any hardship programs, or if they can restructure your debt. You can let them know the date you can pay if you missed the pay by date.  But not answering or saying anything is not an option. They can file for a judgment against you, it can lead to bad credit which has even bigger and more of a long term effect You can be evicted from your apartment or your vehicle can be repossessed.
  2. You also may need to re-evaluate your debt to income, if you have more debt than income – that is a problem. (but you already knew that).  Maybe you need to take on a part-time job, or get another job that pays more money, pick up some extra hours if available, create a side hustle to bring in more funds (Get creative there are many things you can do to bring in some extra cash)
  3. Speak to a financial counselor to find out ways you can reduce your debt and ultimately devise a plan to eliminate your debt.

Confront your Friend

  1. Request a sit down with your friend to discuss what has been going on. A sit down is better than a phone call, you need to see body language (Our body says things our mouth never will)  Let them know how you are feeling about the situation.
  2. Try to see if you can pinpoint exactly where the breakdown happened. You just may find out it was clearly miscommunication or misinformation.  
  3. If it’s something you both can work out and restore the relationship then that should be the goal.  Life is too short to have frenemies, we have enough to deal with.
  4. If you discover it was not miscommunication or misinformation and you can’t come to a resolution and the relationship has truly run its course; at least you know that too.  You can freely wipe the dust off your feet and walk away knowing that you have closed that door properly.  Never slam doors when leaving and definitely don’t burn the bridge. You never know when you may have to cross it again.

Sidenote:

When dealing with relationships, try to take quick action before bitterness and un-forgiveness take root.  If that happens, you will have other issues you will need to confront down the line.

Bottom line:

Avoidance is not the right way to deal with things.  Although it is a decision, it is not a good decision.  I know the things I talked about are not easy things but they are real-life issues that you simply can’t avoid.  So cry if you need to cry because the process can be painful and no one wants to lose a friendship.

Now What?

Life still must go on.

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off

Take a minute to regroup and put a game plan together.

Chart your course and face it head-on.

And in the words of the Prophet; Spike Lee “Do the Right Thing”

*Ok, so he’s not a prophet and for all of you who don’t know, it’s a movie that came out in 1989)

*The definition of a confrontation is typically hostile but not all confrontation is bad. Sometimes It’s simply what needs to be done.

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